A lot of the time I don’t know what it’s like to create with ease, especially when working with someone else. I get stuck into my own head and I struggle to be really present. A few times this year, I’ve come home from a photo or video shoot that, objectively, had gone well, yet once the adrenaline had crashed back down the only thing left was an empty feeling in my stomach. “It feels like I wasn’t really there, like I watched it all from the outside,” I’ve said to my husband a few times. “I don’t know how to relax and have more fun.”
I have a few ideas as to where this comes from: self doubt, feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing (yes, even seven years into it), yeses that should have been nos, the never-ending tension of Art vs Service, not to forget the constant desire to do better. Better than… what? Who? Myself, I think. Often, I get in my own way because I have this belief that experience and skills can only grow exponentially. That the only way is up, and that if one job doesn’t end up feeling better, easier, more successful than the last, if I don’t end up loving the results more, then somehow I have failed and it is only further proof that I am not meant for this. (Forget about, you know, all the other external factors. Don’t you know that it’s all on me and I should have all the answers?!!)
Once in a while though, the stars align. A project comes along and a big neon sign suddenly appears, shouting in bright red letters: ✨ THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE MEANT TO BE DOING. ✨ And I know, without having to think about it, that this is not only something that I want to say yes to, it’s also something that I’m going to love doing from start to finish
When Ellie first asked me if I’d like to film a music video for her new single “A Moment”, she sent me the song and the big neon sign switched on instantly. We’d worked together before on a few photoshoots and videos and she's one of the loveliest people I know, so I knew that it would be a fun project that would fill my creative cup. An opportunity to gently push the boundaries of my comfort zone and try something a little different.
She'd mentioned wanting to go to the sea, and more specifically the Welsh coast, which made me all the more excited — I'll take any excuse for a trip to beautiful Wales! While planning we decided to also camp for one night so that we didn't feel pressure to drive back home to Warwickshire after a long day. Ellie had a strong vision for what she wanted the video to be, so she developed the script and the story she wanted to tell. And off to Wales we went, on one hot summer's day.
We ended up filming the video very linearly, as it unfolds in the final cut. It made sense: our protagonist gets stuck in a nameless town, leaves her car behind and starts walking around. She ends up on the beach as the sun goes down, experiencing not the homesickness that one would expect when stranded so far from home, but a sense of freedom and possibility. What if she could ignore all her problems and run away, just for a while?
This isn't something that I say often, let alone easily, but I'm really proud of this video, and even more excited to share it. Creativity can often be messy and anything but straightforward, especially when it's what you do to pay the bills, but this was a much needed reminder that it can also be easeful, and joyful, and expansive. Perhaps it’s naive or unrealistic to hope it can be like this all the time… or perhaps it’s a good thing to aspire to.
If you do watch the video, I’d love to hear what you think! It was premiered by KLOF Mag yesterday and they wrote a lovely review for it.
beautiful